THE DIFFERENCE ABOUT BEING SAFE IN COLLEGE FOR A BOY VS A GIRL

"You're telling me that women just spend their whole day navigating an obstacle course of sexual menace?" 
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"Seriously?" 
"Seriously."

BEEN A WHILE

I miss sexting.

So exciting and multitasking friendly.

Been a while. 

MAGICAL MORNINGS...

BIG HANDS/BIG D**K??

There are really no way to know with men. This my conclusion. 

You've all heard your girls swear about their never-fail theory about men's hand-size/dick-size, feet-size/d-size, good-dancer/good-in-bed, good kisser/good in bed.

Seriously, none of these are true. None. 

I've been with men who had tiny hands and HUGE cocks, amaaaazing-sensual-making-u-wet-with-his-quiet-yet-assertive-moves in a club, but close to the worse fucks of all time.

And lately, one of the most amazing and deeply sensual kissers i've met in a while.... But really not worth much in bed. 

Funny thing is a few of these disappointing performers really think they are the shit. Probably because us-chicks are too nice and we somehow hate to make men feel bad about themselves sexually. 

Which adds one: don't trust a man that thinks he's God's gift to women. 

Chances really are 50/50.  

Oh well. 

THE ONE SCENARIO SEX MAN

I just learned a new synonym:

A womanizer, (in certain cases a man-whore) could just as well mean a really bad fuck.

See, the answer is in the practice.

One could think that given his extreme high number of experiences this man really has it.

Actually, this guy usually honestly think he really is the shit. So his confidence is rarely faked. 

Well lately, I've experienced just that type of man.

Gorgeous, tall, sexy, confident, I felt I wanted a piece of it.

And I did. The first dates and the first night was great.

Liking each other we decided to start seeing each other. 

Then the same thing happened...

Like the SAME THING. The same gestures, the same order... Ya... You get the picture.

He had his one scenario down, this one way of having sex, which was good if you experience it only once, but when comes the time to explore each other truly and get to the exciting part of sex, well this guy was just a giant disappointment.

Coz he really never had to. 

Sometimes, one night men should just remain that. This way you can keep that shiny and exciting image of him and your night, perfect in your mind forever. 

DOPE DAD

THE END

When I'm over a sexual relationship, my body tells me in not-so-subtle ways:

Like by a wave of nausea that comes, for example, immediately after receiving a sexy text message. 

Or by a shudder when, for example, a man whispers in my ear what he wants to do to me. 

Sometimes unexpected but always a sign to move on when you become disgusted by the idea of sleeping with someone. 

CIRCLE HELLS AND HIP HOP: HOW EGYPTIAN WOMEN ARE FIGHTING BACK AGAINST SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Last year, Egyptian artists Mira Shihadeh and Zeft painted the mural “The Circle of Hell” just outside of Cairo's Tahrir Square.  At the centre of the mural is a lone woman surrounded by lecherous wide-eyed men with snake-like tongues.  Knives smeared with blood are aimed at the woman.  Is it her blood, or another woman’s?  Perhaps it is the blood of many women.  Whoever the blood belongs to, the woman in the mural cannot escape: the throngs of men who are holding her hostage stretch deep into the background, suggesting the violence the woman is facing will not only be unfathomable and terrifying, but will end with her dead at the roadside.

The mural of course is not just a piece of art inspired by the street harassment and sexual violence, it could very well be a picture or a video depicting the public lives of women and girls in Egypt.  In fact, on the evening of Sunday, June 8, during the inaugural celebration for Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, Egypt's newly-elected president, a teenager, surrounded by men, was stripped naked, groped, and sexually attacked.  A two-minute video of the attack shows the young woman limping towards a police car; her body, wounded and bloody from the sexual beatings, was still being pawed and grabbed by several men who wanted pieces of her.

“The Circle of Hell” by  Mira Shihadeh and Zeft, Cairo, Egypt, 2013.  

Unfortunately, this attack was just one of many that took place at the national gathering.  Nine other women reported that they too were sexually harassed and assaulted.  Without a doubt, many more attacks occurred that evening—attacks that have been witnessed, but ignored, attacks that went unreported.  This, despite the issuance of a new decree declaring that sexual harassment may be punishable for up to five years in prison.  However, according to Egyptian feminist organizations, the decree only amends—not radically transforms—current laws against abuse and does not necessarily criminalize sexual harassment, referring such cases as “indecent assault.”

According to the recently released report, “Egypt: Keeping Women Out - Sexual Violence Against Women in the Public Sphere,” authored by several Egyptian women’s organization, over 250 cases ranging from sexual harassment to gang-rape in public spaces took place between November 2012 and January 2014.  None of the reported attacks have been brought to justice. 

In response to the endemic sexual violence, Egyptian women artists, activists and feminists are using all artistic mediums and political platforms to raise national and international awareness and support.  The latest to join the army of women against sexual violence is 19-year old Mayam Mahmoud, Egypt’s first veiled rapper, who gained recognition after performing on “Arabs Got Talent” last October. 

Mayam Mahmoud, Egypt's "first veiled rapper" addresses sexual
violence against women in her songs

 Aside from rapping about and against sexual violence, Mahmoud also uses hip hop to challenge the archaic and misogynistic rhetoric of victim-blaming.  In an interview with the Global Post, the rapper stated, “I see male rappers in Egypt writing songs to blame women for the sexual harassment inflicted upon them.  They say we deserve to be harassed because of the clothes or makeup that we wear.”

And despite receiving death and rape threats, Mahmoud, who raps exclusively in Arabic to better communicate with Egyptian youth, continues to perform, asserting in the interview with the Global Post, “Egyptian women experience sexual abuse on a daily basis,” she said. “It’s our story to tell, nobody else can tell it because it’s our pain.”

With young women like Mayan Mahmoud taking the helm against sexual violence, it’s a sign that the violent hell encircling women are crumbling at the edges.

CAN MEN AND WOMEN BE FRIENDS? A LOVE LETTER TO MY MALE FRIENDS

Last Thursday, I turned 30 and traveled to Paris to celebrate my birthday. I was surrounded by friends who love me and in the beautiful city of Paris - it was exactly what I wanted. Then, everything got better when, at my birthday dinner, a close friend of mine who lives and works in Singapore showed up unexpectedly to surprise me. He flew 13+ hours and 10,000+ kilometers to say happy birthday and make sure I had an endless supply of champagne on my birthday, so basically he wins the friend of a lifetime award. (I should also note here that another friend of mine, based in Paris, "hosted" my birthday - meaning he planned and paid for much of it. Most of the people traveling with me stayed at his house - he offered people he didn't know or barely knew a place to stay without hesitation. He also wins a friendship award for being so good to me.)

I can't remember a time that I was happier or felt more loved. Excited, I told a few people about my "favorite birthday present" (my friend's presence) and received the following text messages in reply:
"That's so sweet! Do you think he likes you?"
"He's in love with you. Just admit it."
"Ugh. Why don't you just fuck him already?" 

I'll reply to these responses here:

That's so sweet! Do I think he likes me: It is incredibly sweet. It was a perfect, incredibly thoughtful present. And yes, I think he likes me...we are friends after all. In fact, I think he loves me (see below), which is good because I also love him.

He's in love with me: He is, but not in the way people prefer a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman to be in love. He loves me, yes. I love him, ABSOLUTELY. We are deep in platonic love with each other. And I hope it lasts forever.

Why I don't just fuck him already: The previous comments are maybe naive, but this one borders on insulting - even though they're pretty much getting at the same thing. The question is so loaded with insinuation: Is it that I should reward a man's 'good behavior' or touching gesture by sleeping with him? Like some sort of positive reinforcement for an untrained child? Or, am I expected to sleep with him? Because doing something for someone else or that might make someone else happy means he wants something in return? And clearly that something he wants is...my body? ::rolls eyes:: Everyone who asked this needs to go away and get a clue.

Men and women can be friends, but only in a space where neither of them is wallowing so deeply in desperation that they try to turn everything into romantic/sexual relationships. Not all men are going to be good romantic and/or sexual partners for all women and vice versa. Love appears in life in so many forms. I would suggest that you don't dismiss platonic love or try to manipulate it to be something it's not just because your platonic lover has different sex organs that you. Let's all take a collective deep breath. And stop being so thirsty.

Men and women can also be friends only in a space where romantic and sexual expectations (or lack thereof) are parallel. If one person is operating under the guise of friendship but has no intention of remaining "just friends", they will only be increasingly frustrated and unhappy as time goes on and their love isn't requited. Friendship isn't about hoping or wishing for something more or different in return from the other person.

(This isn't to say that people should never be open to exploring relationships with their friends - it's true that some of the best romantic relationships are based on friendships. But that doesn't mean that every and any inter-sexual friendship is going to be the best romantic/sexual relationship or even a romantic/sexual relationship worth exploring. Romance and sex are important. But friendship is too. All should be appreciated for what they are.)

So, to my platonic friends who happen to be men: Thank you. Novels, love letters and theses have been written on the power of female friendships, and you've proven this power extends beyond gender or sex. It is truly friendship that is powerful. I don't know what I'd do without your presence, protection and perspective. I'm so glad we fell in love. Always, xo.